He Fa on the Walrus-Moustached Formal Guest

My broad moustache enters the room first; the mustard waistcoat appears afterward. The tailcoat is short in front and long behind, ballooning breeches narrow abruptly below the knee, and white spats make the feet solemnly presentable. Formal dress seems to divide the body into departments that must hand over in sequence. A looseness in any one may disrupt the whole order of arrival.

The watch chain at the waist deserves special attention. It suggests timekeeping, but the image supplies no readable time. I cannot announce my punctuality on the evidence of a chain. Measurement with form but no reading is common: we display schedules, procedures and postures of completion, sometimes merely proving that we are ready to be assessed.

The barrel-shaped chest and abdomen make the etiquette deviate. Once-neat front panels must curve around the belly, while enormous breeches leave room for the thighs. I like this less-than-smooth arrangement. It shows that solemnity can be altered to allow breathing and movement. A body that cannot close within the standard size need not be asked to leave the ceremony.

Yet rules yielding entirely to individuals may also make gathering difficult. If every participant insists on a personal starting time, the agreement fails. The question is not abolishing punctuality, but laying out its conditions: distance, difficulty in dressing and undressing, and whether someone needs longer preparation cannot all hide behind a beautiful chain.

I am willing to stand here at the agreed time while leaving ample space between the waistcoat's buttons. The moustache may be extravagant and the spats white, but the procedure should let actual bodies put it on. Next time I adjust my clothes, I will first check whether the waist is tight, then whether the chain hangs straight. The order of those two actions is my small revision to the ritual.