He Fa on the Shadow

A slender grey-blue body stands before an enormous black silhouette, much broader than me but without a second face. Small red shoes are especially conspicuous below, as though pinning an excessive shadow to the ground. This is no ordinary projection made by light. It is an outer garment worn behind me, so its size cannot be explained by the sun’s position.

A shadow usually appears evidence of a body’s natural extension. Here I make that extension into something that must be carried. Reputation, impressions and other people’s accounts can work similarly: they have real effects without equalling the object’s entire volume. I accept that I cannot monopolise how others understand me, while refusing to make that understanding a size I may never contest.

The shadow garment protects the central body and fills the surrounding space. An exaggerated account can bring opportunities while making every new action a test of an old image. If I enjoy it when useful and disclaim it when restrictive, I too evade the connection. How a public account formed, and which parts I actively thickened, should be checked separately.

The impassive face and broad black outline do not fully explain one another, which reassures me. I need not shrink further to prove humility or inflate to fit the shadow. I can let the garment be recognised as a garment and allow the person in front to keep acting. New behaviour can alter old judgements without every change first having to pass through that black border.

There are still only two small red shoes; the black garment has acquired no other feet. I carry it now. If I turn next, I hope this oversized account can turn with me.